I thought I was a little worse off than just being hung over today, and that I shouldn’t have been so hung over for so little. I just took naps and lay around reading comic books. I figured out there was something else wrong when I started to lose my voice. What fun.

If my comments are any indications, there aren’t many men reading my blog. And besides the woman who tried to pick a fight with me at my local strip club, I don’t think many lesbitarians frequent strip clubs. At least not the ones I’m likely to frequent. And this is assuming that 10% of the three people who read my blog might be lesbitarian.

In any case, I went to the strip clubs tonight for a friend’s birthday, and I was sorely disappointed with the local “premium” club, Starz. First, there was a cover. There was an attendant in the men’s room. There were multiple stages and neon and flashy lights and a smoke machine. There was an annoying DJ/announcer who bothered people between songs. The dancers were all Barbie dolls with fake breasts and fake tans. And the patrons all seemed to be fraternity chumps. Let me give you an example of the chump behavior: in a strip club, if you sit at the “bar” next to the dance floor, you’re expected to tip the dancers. The minimum (which is what most people tip) is a dollar per dance. You lay the money on the table, and the dancer comes to get it after the song is over. I saw more than once guy at Starz throwing money at the dancers. Honestly, that’s just rude.

In any case, I think Starz is a Hollywood counterfeit of a real strip club. What I’m used to is seedier, dingier, and more than a little dirty. As are the dancers. The patrons are more outwardly pathetic. It’s much more fun when it seems a little dirty. Trust me.

I was kind of tired today, so I just took it easy and thought I had destroyed my brand new MacBook Pro. Turns out I’d merely disabled it a bit. It’s back to normal now. The woman from work showed me a picture of her new bikini, which her new beau is going to see up close this weekend, apparently.

Oh, and I updated a bunch of software on the server, so things should be properly broken. Of course I had to fix Mariko’s blog because it was blank and I got complaints. OK, so I’m exaggerating again and I only got ONE complaint, but it was enough. Let me know if anything else seems horribly broken.

OK, with a half-dozen people reading my blog, who knew I’d be in a newspaper all the way across the country? (You have to read until the second page to see me, though.) I’M BITTER! I’M A REJECT! I’M KIND OF FUNNY! I also wonder what picture they used of me. They asked me if they could steal one off my web site. The best quote is, “Getting a college education at any good school is a valuable experience,” Bisco says. “It’s by no means a disaster if it’s not your first choice. Unless, that is, you’ve been rejected by every single school you applied to, like Hisashi Fujinaka. hahahaha

In other rejection news (in other exaggerated news) the woman at work from the next row over isn’t talking to me that much any more because she has a new boyfriend. I missed my opportunity. I told her I wanted to sit under my desk and read comic books and nap. She told me not to be bitter about it. Little does she know that I’d do that even if I was going out with Audrey Hepburn. Well, maybe especially if I was going out with Audrey Hepburn because she’d have to be a zombie or something.

What’s the first thing I did with my MacBook Pro? OK, the first thing I did was turn it on and install all the software updates, but the second thing I did was BREAK IT. Turns out that if you’re in a hurry to get to the gym, you can forget to put the RAM in all the way. Yeesh. Of course I also was invited by Dave the Trainer to hear him spin some records, so I went to a LOUD BAR and hung out for a while. By the way, it was also gay night at the LOUD BAR. (I am hoarse from yelling and my ears are ringing, but I did meet some interesting people, including some attractive young women who are playing for the other team.)

In any case, it’s bed time and the MacBook Pro will not release its hold on me. HELP!

So Dave the trainer took some measurements today and one of the things he measured was my percent body fat. When I was training for the marathon, I was measured somewhere around 26% or so, which is just into the “obese” zone. This is when I weighed about 155 lbs and my height is about 5’9.5″. Now I’m up to about 182 lbs, and I’m still around 26% body fat. I think my next goal is to lose some of that body fat. Unfortunately, I think Dave thinks the same thing and he had me hopping like a lunatic around the block.

My big meeting at Megacorp, where I was to present some of the, er, INTERESTING research I’ve been doing has been postponed. I wonder if I’ll just bail early tomorrow so I can get home to play with my new MacBook Pro that should be delivered some time during the day…

As a man, I am often am manipulated by women. (Bear with me here, even if it isn’t true, it makes for a better story.) I end up going out when I don’t want to and having no fun. I help my ex move into a house with her new boyfriend. I helped my friend Sun move a huge and heavy hide-a-bed. And my sister makes me do even stupider things like pick up dog poop.

Well, today I got two frantic phone calls from a woman who was having networking problems. She told me to call her as soon as I got home. Twice. I got home, wolfed down my dinner, and called her. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. And then watched 24 and now here I am. Time to hit the hay. If things go the way they usually go with this woman, she’ll have fixed things on her own. She just likes to panic.

Well, tomorrow Dave is supposed to measure me. I dunno. Who wants to know how much larger his belly is than his chest? Heh. Well, we’ll see. This is stage one of “putting on the 10 pounds.” If I’m lucky, it won’t all be all on my keister, though the padding could help me in my hard job of sitting around at Megacorp.

I’m not driving up to the place on the hill where I was housesitting any more. They were supposed to be back today, so I cleared out and the only thing I have to return is the key to the door, in case they’re not back and they need me to check on something. I’m pretty sure they would have called if their plans had changed.

I get to sleep in my own bed! It’s kind of a step down, since I’m the only person I know who sleeps in a twin bed, but I’m used to it.

I spent most of the day catching up on paperwork, and now that I’m ready to hit the hay, I just remembered that I still need to mail in my amended tax form. I also finally bought my mom her birthday present, a bunch of scratch lottery tickets. She won $15 from $11 worth of tickets! It’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

So I figured I’d sit here and watch the DVD they had, “Empire Falls.” I really liked the book; Richard Russo is one of my favorite authors but I’d never seen the movie. Instead, however, I ended up hanging out with my buddy Il and seeing naked women the only way we know how. I got what I deserved, however, and we ended up at a place where one of the dancers should have left her clothing intact.

Did I mention that I was interviewed by the Baltimore Sun? It’s an article about how people feel after being rejected by schools. I told the reporter that I felt like rejection was expected and that’s pretty much what I get on my online dating sites. She told me that everyone she’s talked to has had the same sort of experience on the online dating sites! At least it’s not just me.

I forgot to post anything yesterday. Too tired, I suppose. No matter, Mariko and Carolyn are off to Australia and so there’s probably one other rotating person reading, so I’ve lost 2/3 of my readers.

I was so tired at the gym that bicep curls were making me lose my breath. And Dave the Trainer thinks I should gain ten more pounds. I’d be ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY POUNDS. I’ve never weighed that much. I’m guessing he meant ten more pounds of muscle, not ten more pounds of FAT ASS. I am making some sort of progress. One of my goals was more balance, and now I can actually squat on top of a Swiss ball. Just a little more and I’ll be able to stand on the darn thing.

Now if I could just find a way to show off this awesome bod to the chicks. HAHAHA

So it’s the middle of the week and I have nothing. I really should go to bed early, but it’s no longer early. That’s what happens. I caught up on some TV shows I had downloaded and that’s about it. Whee.

The woman at work is still mad at me, which is why I knew I should never go out with her. If there’s a skill that most men have, it’s annoying women. I’m quite skilled at it myself.

Oh, yeah, I got an email today from a reporter who is writing an article on “what you can learn from getting rejected by your college of choice.” But I did get into the college of my choice as an undergraduate. It made it so I couldn’t get into medical school. It made all my consequent rejections seem normal. It made everything I’ve done since then look like a failure.

What I learned is never try, and you’ll never fail.

Is that what he wanted to know?

Here, I thought that Stanford was the only school I hated. I wore my “Berkeley” sweatshirt to the gym and TIIIIIIIIM from Stanford said, “Where did you get that, the thrift store?” Hahaha, he got me.

But someone from work told me that she was going to University of Phoenix and I was immediately no longer attracted to her. I mean, I like Portland State University, I have nothing against Community Colleges, but University of Phoenix or DeVry or ITT Tech all bother me. Schools for profit seems to be the wrong motivation to teach. Like I said, I’m a school snob.

Even worse, it’s my 20th reunion this year from Em Eye Tee. I was going through the list of people I apparently went to school with:

• NASA director
• another NASA director
• partner in a NYC law firm
• co-creator of “Dharma and Greg” and “Caroline in the City” (and one of the more attractive women at MIT)
• orthopedic surgeon with an MD/PhD from Harvard and MIT
• etc.

And here I am working at Megacorp. Like I said to a co-worker at lunch, “Back to moving the mouse. It isn’t going to move itself.”

What I learned at MIT is that I’m a moron and afterwards I figured out that most people aren’t as smart as me. I’m not saying I’m better than other people, just that I’m better at science and math and actually pessimistically predicting the future. I can’t put up with much crap, but crap also makes the world go around. That much I’ve figured out.

Needless to say, I’ll miss the reunion.