I’m feeling incredibly beat right now. Either the workout (which was torturous) did me in or I’m coming down with something. I was breathing so hard that my stomach muscles hurt and I’ve done that three times in the past week. Maybe I should be sandbagging it a little. I am an old man, after all.

When I got home from the gym there were people standing out in the street and I had to set up a turn to get away from them. I ended up scraping the side of my car on a parked Civic’s bumper. I found the owner and she pointed at an identical scrape on the other side of her bumper, so I just told her to come find me if she wanted me to do something to fix it. Her car was older, and I think she was OK with it. I have to find out if I need to have some paintwork done on my car. I called up a friend to complain about my stupidity and all he wanted to do is talk about his new girlfriend to a level of detail I didn’t need. Sheesh.

So we decided to have a bachelor party for Sean. And by “bachelor party” I mean “taking him to the taco truck”. We’re a fairly tame bunch. We thought we heard his bride-to-be Melissa tell us, “Any day but Tuesday,” and planned to go on Wednesday. Well, what she really said was, “Any day but WEDNESDAY.” We’re rescheduling for Tuesday night. Anybody wanting to tag along, let me know. This isn’t your traditional bachelor party, we’re mostly likely just eating Korean tacos.

Somehow I figure I should have done a bit more, but with those bird people also comes more birds. I was going to clear out more of my sister’s old bedroom, but I ended up cataloging her old cassette tapes and then throwing them in the trash. She didn’t want them and said she didn’t even have anything to play them on, but I wanted to remind her of what she had in her collection. I had 140 titles on the list, so that’s at least 70 tapes. And that’s not counting her classical music or her mix tapes. OK, now I see why it took me so long.

Next step is to throw out my old Apple software. I have lots of stuff for OS 7, 8, and 9.

I had another hamburger for dinner (I gotta cut down) but I’m on the way to recalibrating my tastes. Or so I think. The burger at MacTarnahan’s Taproom is a good pub burger, a little overcooked, and quite good with some ketchup. That’s the thing, I like the burgers to taste good enough that they don’t need ketchup, and that takes a little care with the meat. The fries are overly salty and not quite done enough for me, but it is a pub burger after all. Not in the upper reaches, but still a good burger.

I really need a new hobby.

Today at the gym we did a three-round Fight Gone Bad.

• Wall-ball: 20 pound ball, 10 ft target. (Reps)
• Sumo deadlift high-pull: 75 pounds (Reps)
• Box Jump: 20″ box (Reps)
• Push-press: 75 pounds (Reps)
• Row: calories (Calories)

Basically, this workout was first designed for BJ Penn, a UFC fighter, to feel like a fight gone bad. I got a score of 270, which is fine by me. I would have liked to go above 300, but whatever. That’s like my stretch goal. I’m old, I’m weak, and who really cares? I was so tired in the third round that I almost fell over doing the push-press. Afterwards the gym had a barbecue and I have to say the burger was worth it.

Honestly, I can’t say that much more about the burger because after mopping the gym I went to a housewarming and had some Scotch, and then watched the UFC game and had a couple (only 2) of beers. The drinking was spread over a lot of time, but that plus the fatigue mean my brain isn’t exactly processing much information right now.

My sister wanted a Polaroid camera for her birthday and some of the rare film for it. Urban Outfitters had one left when I got there and it was being held for someone. But the rules were that you couldn’t hold it and you had to buy it in person because they’re limited. I’m not sure what happened, but I ended up with a birthday present for my sister and it cost a metric buttload, too. And unless the Impossible Project gets going, there isn’t going to be any more Polaroid film in the world.

I bought an MFP today for a couple of reasons. First is that the abbreviation looks like “motherf*cking printer.” Second is that my printer and scanner are probably fifteen years old and while the printer works fine, the scanner software has gone the way of the dodo. I have to start up WindowsXP on VMWare or I have to start X Window to get something scanning. I figured it would be easier just to buy a “multifunction printer.” It even makes copies without having to fiddle with several programs like I used to have to do. Anyway, I don’t feel too guilty about buying a new printer and scanner after fifteen years.

Wow, that’s even more boring than my usual Friday night, isn’t it?

If you’re into watching youtube videos that are a little gay, kind of disturbing, and also completely surreal, search for, “Ultimate Muscle Roller Legend.” All I have to say is that my previous link for Ejector with the techno and the two guys in latex skirts was incredibly tame compared to this thing that doesn’t make any sense at all. I got the link from Wired magazine, of all places. Weird, huh? If you just want to laugh at some German techno, look at this instead. While the first video might be kind of disturbing while you’re laughing your ass off, this second one just reminds me of watching late night TV in my tiny Japanese apartment after a night of drinking using the 12″ TV I found broken in the garbage and fixed.

So most of the burger club bailed on us today and it was just Jeff and I at 5th Quadrant getting a standard bacon cheddar cheese burger. It was a good standard burger. They overcooked it and it had a bit of an odd flavor combination between the overly peppered bacon and the slightly sweet charcoal grilled hamburger meat. I’d suggest not getting the bacon, as it actually detracted from the flavor of the hamburger. The bun was a lot nicer and fresher than what you’d expect from a sesame seed bun. Unfortunately, this is a burger that could use a little ketchup.

The fries were crispy with the skin left on and while I knew I should have ordered a salad, it was time to go whole hog tonight. The beer at the Lompoc pubs is pretty good as well and most days it’s discounted during their long happy hour.

Tonight’s burger was in a completely different class than the “fancy” hamburgers we’ve been having. I’d put it on a par with the burger we had at Red Star, but that was also overcooked and dry when I had it last. When Red Star cooks their burger medium rare, it’s an absolute delight.

I feeling cranky and maybe I should make a list. Actually the Buddhist in me says, “Let it go,” but that motherf*cker can shut his f*cking pie hole.

1. The motherf*cking birds are flying into the motherf*cking chimney again, making the neighborhood a motherf*cking parking lot every evening until early f*cking October.
2. Work was surprisingly light the last couple of weeks, but I knew that meant all of the customers were out on summer vacation and they’d all come back at once. Guess what f*cking happened earlier this week?
3. Teddy Kennedy passed away. And motherf*cking Republicans can’t take a break from pissing me the f*ck off.
4. They were playing wimp rock or wimp rap or I don’t know what the f*ck you call it at the gym, and jeebus it makes me cranky. That and motherf*cking Beyonce. For some reason I loooooves me some Kelly Rowlands but I can’t stand motherf*cking Beyonce.
5. My brother-in-law says Jay the Contractor is going to require architectural drawings before doing any more work. Well, last year Jay the Contractor was telling me how f*cking useless it was to use a motherf*cking architect. Whatever.
6. My motherf*cking blood sugar is still probably all jacked up from my pre-cholesterol test fasting. The first thing I ate after getting back to the parking lot was a Chocolate Eclair which was really pretty good but probably didn’t do all that much for my jacked-up blood chemistry either.
7. I just feel like there’s nothing positive going on in my life and there’s nothing to look forward to and that’s what I get for eating a motherf*cking salad for dinner after fasting for a cholesterol test the motherf*cking night before.

Maybe I should just start drinking again. That almost always made me feel better because I’m a happy drunk. Too bad I’m always looking at beer and thinking about how many motherf*cking calories it has rather than how good it tastes. I think I’ll have a cheeseburger instead.

First off, I now have a new nickname. To make it official, I have to dislike it and complain, right? At the burger club I mentioned that my sister calls me Sashi (a shorter version of my first name, Hisashi) and so most people who know me through her calls me that. I’ve had other nicknames as well. I took a fly-fishing class once and the guy just kept calling me “Joe.” It didn’t bother me so much, and I knew who he was talking about when he was talking about Joe. Anyway, I was telling this story about my nickname, and somehow they thought I said “Chachi” and I told the story of how the TV show Joanie Loves Chachi was supposedly the highest rated sitcom in Korea because chachi is the Korean word for penis. This appears to be false since they never aired Joanie Loves Chachi in Korea, but the nickname appears to have stuck, at least with some of the Recreate Fitness burger crew.

So tomorrow I have my cholesterol test and I had to quit eating by 8PM. I blew it by 15 minutes, but I was still at the gym and my dinner consisted of a carton of Muscle Milk. Not only am I starving, but a geek blog I usually read has an interview with Alton Brown and a video of a 27-foot chocolate fountain. Not only that, but the guy I called up to confirm the veracity of the word,”chachi,” is telling me that he’s dating and not only is it going well but he’s going to fancy restaurants! The universe is taunting me.

But turns out that I did use the right kettlebells yesterday and I did fairly well in the old man category. Hooray for small victories. We’ll see how much my blood looks like butter tomorrow, though.

Here I was, thinking that I was going to have YET ANOTHER HAMBURGER instead of eating a salad for dinner, but an illness ran smack into my plans. Right now I’m just hoping that Mike, who had a heart valve replacement a couple of weeks ago, is doing OK.

I’m feeling kind of cranky right now and I figure it’ll be even worse tomorrow when I’m fasting for a cholesterol test. I mean, really, FASTING? They were a bit confused by the whole thing at the doctor’s office, telling me I could have black coffee, but no I figure the real measure of my cholesterol would require me to eat something closer to my real diet, or a dozen Voodoo doughnuts, whichever came first.

So today’s workout was a total failure. The main problem was that I screwed up at the end and it just made me think of all the awfulness that came before. I ripped a hole in my shirt with the weightlifting belt we use to add weight to pullups. I was told, after I finished, that my front squats weren’t deep enough. And finally, the workout of the day was supposed to use two kettlebells, one of 24kg and one of 36kg. I finished quicker than I thought I would and realized I was only using 32kg for the heavier one and was quite disappointed. This is why I don’t like races in general. You build them up and one little thing can screw it all up. I know, why be a pessimist, but the surveys have shown that pessimists are much more likely to be correct at predicting outcomes. So there.

I just saw District 9 with Sean and Jeff and I have to say, WOW. I didn’t know what to expect and it had a lot more story than I expected, and I heard a lot of the dialog was ad-libbed. It was pretty darn amazing.

I went downtown to get some new gym shoes and I also took my holey sweater back to Nordstroms. There were a bunch of irregular holes in the sweater that didn’t look like bug holes because bug holes are usually round. In fact, they looked like I’d been wrestling with a porcupine or something. Unfortunately for me, it was my $155 “date sweater” that really hadn’t worked out for me at all. In fact, I’d only worn it a couple of times before I found the holes. I walked into Nordstroms to ask them if they had any ideas, figuring the sweater was just trash now anyway, and they gave me my money back! Of course I turned around and bought some shoes with the money. I don’t buy that much clothing, but I usually just buy everything at Nordstroms and I guess I picked the right store.

I did find out, however, that Muscle Milk isn’t enough for me as a meal replacement. I noticed I was fairly cranky on the way downtown. But then again, people running stop signs in their car, flocks of douchebags, and dogs on the trolley don’t put me in a good mood even when I’m at my best. Fortunately, I supplemented that with a chili dog, and had sliders and tacos (and part of Sean’s hamburger) for dinner. So much for pretending to be on a diet.

First off, let me steal my review of the burger from Laurelhurst Market from my blog posting at Portland Burgers.

My sister built this burger up, but I’m not quite sure it’s better than the one at the Slow Bar, or as good as our gold standard at Lovely Hula Hands. Laurelhurst Market is a meat market during the day and that isn’t to say that you’re going to find a bunch of people looking to hook up, unless of course they’re looking to hook up with a brisket. The meat was great, though I still think someone from the anti-salt council has gotten to yet another chef. There’s only one burger on the menu, a bacon cheeseburger with, “fries, pimento cheese, and homemade everything.” I have to say it was delicious. The bun was buttery, the bacon was the smokiest perfection I can remember, the pickles were sweet and crisp, and the pimento cheese was, well, pimento cheese. And therein lies my biggest problem with this burger. Who in the hell told them it was OK to take the standard cheddar and replace it with PIMENTO FREAKING CHEESE? I think they took a winning hamburger and made it into a hamburger for the odd foodie. I say odd foodie because of the PIMENTO FRIGGING CHEESE. My dear god, I’m an Asian guy and you’re going to have to introduce me to the ethnic group that has the official line on PIMENTO because as far as I know it’s some whiskey-tango concoction that gets foisted off on you at cheesy cocktail parties.

But I digress. The fries were crispy and wonderful. Do not miss the dessert. My blackberry and peach crisp came with basil ice cream, which was a bit different but tasty, and the one bite of the cheesecake and blueberries I had made question my judgement. That homemade cheesecake was awesome.

So there you have it. A burger that may be the best if I can get over the pimento cheese, made by the chef who came from Lovely Hula Hands. We’re going to have to go back to Lovely Hula Hands to make sure that the change in chefs didn’t take the best burger in town down a notch.

So today I went to see the doctor about my recent stomach aches that we both decided weren’t anything to worry about yet, and he gave me one of most guys’ least favorite examinations. But while I wouldn’t go out of my way looking for that sort of thing, I didn’t find it nearly as unpleasant as having someone scrape at my gumline with a sharpened metal hook.

In any case, he (or the medical assistant, really) gave me some news that had me SHOCKED AND DISMAYED until I got home. I absolultely refuse to be any less than 5’9″ (69″ or 175.26cm). In fact, I’m usually an inch taller first thing in the morning. I took my shoes off and used their measuring gadget and I was only 5’8.5″! I checked when I got home with a tape measure and I was 5’9″ again. I think maybe they have it adjusted for people with 1/2″ shoes on. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

Maybe I need to get some gravity boots and stop lifting heavy weights. That might work. That and getting a nice Kim Jong Il hairstyle.

So this week the burger crew went to Laurelhurst Market, where my sister said she had the best burger she’s ever had. I think it was great, but I’m not sure if it was any better than the Slow Bar or the best Sean and i remember having at Lovely Hula Hands. In any case, the burger was great, the flavor was great, I wish the meat had more flavor, I think someone was afraid of salt (though certainly not whoever cooked the tasty fries), and DON’T MISS THE DESSERT.

Sorry, but that’ll have to do for now. I’m about to pass out.

OK, first I have to say that was an excellent burger I just had. It may not be for everyone: the meat was mixed with bulgolgi meat and was fairly sweet, but the cheese and the kimchee paired perfectly with it.

Jae was incredibly nice as well. That wasn’t all I ate. We split some “Seoul Sliders” as they call them, “Bulgogi BBQ beef, shredded nappa cabbage, griddled onions, crisp bean sprouts and spicy mayo.” Jae even gave me a free short rib taco and it was all excellent. My buddy Il was talking about this even before he ever went and now he’s a regular that they see coming several times a week. I’ve been following them on twitter for a month and I should have stopped by sooner.

Tomorrow we’re headed to Laurelhurst Market and I’m hoping that they can match the fun of KOi Fusion if not the flavor. But as they said on my silly Japanese TV show last night (poorly translated by me), “Good food is good because you eat it with your friends or with your family,” and we hit this place with most of the burger crew in attendance. Sean, Melissa, and Jeff were there and we even had Matty G stop by as we were headed out. So no matter what, at least we’ll be hanging with friends.