I went to see my massage guy Fred today, and I had to cut things short because I had an appointment with a new acupuncturist. Fred found all sorts of things wrong with my back, and when he cleared those all up he still hadn’t gotten to my S-I joint where my big problem was. The new acupuncturist took 2 1/2 hours on my back but I was still nowhere near fixed. She even saw visible swelling in my lower back. I can’t believe that just putting my golf clubs into my car was such a bad idea.

I certainly was in a bad mood with my sore back and I was stopped by a drunk guy who wanted $500. FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS. And I’m stupid enough to stop and talk to random people on the street. I guess the best part of my running around was that I didn’t have time for a proper lunch and I ended up having two scoops of gelato.

Now honestly, I’m pretty pissed about having my daily routine so screwed up. Do you realize how hard it is to put out the garbage when you can barely keep yourself upright? But any day with gelato for lunch isn’t all bad. And the acupuncturist was quite attractive. So it wasn’t a complete loss.

The lawn looked awful, so I mowed it. When I was finished, I thought I’d put my golf clubs in my trunk and I THREW OUT MY BACK. What the hell. I finally thought I was over most of my back problems. I’m guessing my back was probably tight from all the lying around I’m doing this weekend, which was a side-effect of all the sleep I was finally getting. But sheesh. Just when I thought I was getting better.

The worst part was walking to the library to put my vote in the ballot box. I guess I could have mailed it, but this way I knew it was in a locked county facility. The whole way there I was holding my back.

I have appointments at both my massage guy and an acupuncturist tomorrow, and the ER doc up the street seems to think it’s all mechanical and requires stretching. (I ran into him walking his dogs.) Let’s hope he’s right.

I left work early on Friday, at about 3:15 or something. When I got home I hit the hay. I think I was asleep from 4 until 7, only waking up after the third political phone call. I turned on my work computer and did some work (answering a customer question, no less) and finished reading my book. I think I finally got to sleep around 12AM.

Since I wasn’t going to the gym, I slept in. I didn’t get up until 10AM, and I was only awake enough to watch TV. Do you know what kind of awful TV is on Saturday morning? I had enough energy to stay up until 2PM, when I fell asleep for a short nap. By short, I mean 4 hours. I slept through three more phone calls (the ring wakes me up but I don’t actually get up) but what finally woke me up is my neighbors. It was in the low 90’s today, so I had the windows open and I thought the neighbors talking was actually someone leaving a message on my answering machine. And now I’m up writing this, right before I go back to bed.

So, instead of my usual 6 hours of sleep, the last two nights I slept 23 hours. And today I’ve slept 14 hours already. I’m guessing that can’t all be the Zyrtec and the heat. I hope I get better soon, but with my luck I’ll be just well enough to go to work on Monday. Hooray.

It takes a lot to jar me out of my usual routine and I didn’t do anything normal for a Thursday today. I got up and my eyes were glued shut with goo, and for the second day I didn’t feel good enough to go to work. But I went anyway because I’m covering for a guy who is on vacation. I’ve heard pink eye is very contagious, but the web didn’t say all that much. I decided if I just work my glasses, I’d probably avoid touching my eyes as much as I usually do when I’m wearing contacts. It worked.

I stayed late because we had a four-hour-long meeting and I needed to do my “real work”. Plus, I knew I didn’t feel up to going to the gym.

And it’s Thursday, CSI night. But I didn’t watch any TV. I read a book.

Oh well, at least I’m still alive to have these weird illnesses. After tomorrow, I can sleep in all weekend. Too bad it’s going to be so hot all weekend. Rainy and cold would be perfect for sleeping in.

I didn’t sleep very well last night. My nose was stuffed up and I kept waking up. I’m pretty sure it’s my cold flaring up again because hay fever usually makes my eyes itchy, too. So I was dragging at work as well. It’s no surprise that I was once again DFL at the gym. It was hot and I was tired. At least I finished.

It’s supposed to be about 90°F tomorrow and in the high 90’s on Friday. I’m not cut out for this heat. I’m sure the southern transplants are fine with the hot weather, but I find it miserable. With my luck I’ll just be hot and sick at the same time. It’s time to declare an emergency and punt the diet for some Slurpees.

I figured some dietary things out BACKWARDS but I still figured them out. I think (if I’m doing my math right) that the SW chicken salad at Mickey D’s actually fits the Zone diet. Also the Fajita chicken Pita at Jack-in-the-Box. This is great news for someone as lazy as me. Unfortunately, that might mean eating at those places more often than I should.

Since I’m telling my story backwards anyway, we somehow ended up at Mickey D’s for lunch today. The guy who we though would complain the most was laughing gleefully because they had KETCHUP ON TAP. It wasn’t a pump, it was a little tap with pressurized ketchup coming out of it. The other guys ate double cheeseburgers (only $1) and other such fine foods, but I had the SW Grilled Chicken Salad. Turns out that’s about what I’m supposed to be eating. I could probably do without all the salt, but the rest of the numbers seemed to add up.

I ended up eating late because when I got home from the gym the sky was filled with those silly birds that go into the school’s chimney. We usually don’t see too many in the spring migration; they’re mostly here in the fall. But today I’d estimate several thousand birds were in the sky. I called all the birders I know (well, two birders I know) and we stood out watching the birds and the Cooper’s hawk that comes to eat the unwary swift. It was great. It was just three of us and then some people we know from the local Audubon society showed up as well. It’s kind of fun to watch the birds without all the hundreds of other people clogging up the neighborhood.

I suppose the whole crossfit thing is to throw yourself at a brick wall until you feel like death. The guys on the main crossfit site seem to want to work until failure all the time. I’m not sure that’s the most sensible thing. I mean, you don’t see other athletes throwing up all the time. The idea is to finish first, not die at the end. So, when someone told me that to take it easy on the rowing part of the workout (1000m rowing followed by 50 thrusters and 30 pullups) I did.

Actually, I think I really figured out what probably helped the most in my workout today. I was sick all weekend, so I slept 8 hours Friday night, 6 hours Saturday afternoon, and then 11 hours Saturday night. Then, after taking it easy all Sunday, I pigged out at my sister’s. So, that’s probably part of it. And coming off of my cold was probably the only reason I was able to take it easy on the row. It was all serendipity.

I suppose the next reasonable thing to do is to start on the Zone diet. I borrowed another book of zone recipes but now I have to find some time to read it. This going to work thing is really getting in the way.

Just in time to start the work week, darn it. I got up late and laid around reading a book most of the day. In fact, I worked up a sweat just playing Mario Cart on the Wii today. I’m not back to 100%. But still, I don’t see any excuse for avoiding work tomorrow. Especially since I’m covering for a guy who’s on vacation.

I had one real meal today, dinner at my sister’s. It was steak she bought online and it was pretty good. My sister is a good cook and of course there were other extras that were also good. I can’t remember what they were and I should probably get to sleep before I forget anything else.

It was about 55°F today and it’s supposed to be 92°F by the end of the week. What the hell?

I woke up this morning with my stomach rumbling and my head stuffed up. It wasn’t until I was up for a while that I finally realized I had caught another cold. Another ruined weekend.

I still made it to the gym but that wasn’t the most foolish thing I did. I also took the sheets off the bed because Saturday is laundry day. That killed my plans to get back from the gym, take a shower, and jump back into bed. I had to settle for the recliner, but I was out for four hours, only getting up to go to the bathroom. My sister finally woke me up at 4:30PM to ask me if I was going to be there for dinner. I had to pass.

So it’s only taken me four hours to eat some Bagel Bites I found in the freezer and to finally finish the laundry. My stomach is in bad shape, my head hurts, but I don’t think 99.2°F is much of a fever. Time to get some more sleep, though. With my luck I’ll get over this in time to go to work on Monday. Hooray.

Usually when I work out a lot, I want to eat all the time. I think I’m usually craving high calorie foods as well, and that means lots of stuff that’s bad for me. But let’s be honest, anything with any flavor is bad for you. Lately, though, I’ve been eating less and getting by with salads. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I hit my head at the gym and I can’t remember it because I hit my head. Nothing hurts, though, so I’m fairly sure that’s not it.

Even my dinner, while not on the “Zone Diet” that’s promoted by Crossfit, wasn’t all that much. I usually don’t like cooking for just myself because I’ve always found a way to hurt myself in the kitchen. Today I had 2 tortillas with peanut butter. It’s space-station astronaut food that I heard about on NPR. Also, you can’t use all that much peanut butter on a tortilla or it gets stuck in your mouth. I had that and a dented up banana, because that’s all you can find late on a Thursday at Trader Joe’s. Oh, and a hard-boiled egg, because boiling water really isn’t cooking, and besides, I bought a egg boiling gadget on Amazon.

Funny how I’m not starving at work, either. I’m not sure this hard-boiled egg and banana diet is going to hold out. Sooner or later I’m going to end up at Jack-in-the-Box talking into the clowns mouth. I suppose you don’t have to do that any more, but WHEN I WAS A KID, YOU HAD TO TALK INTO THE CLOWNS MOUTH IN THE DRIVE-THROUGH. There are rumors that In-N-Out is coming to Portland, but I can’t possibly wait that long.

I went to a Korean hamburger joint today and I had a chicken salad. I figured I might luck out and get something decent like we have in my neighborhood. Bonnie Burgers is about half Asian food and half hamburgers and the grilled chicken they use is pretty good. Unfortunately, the place I went in Hillsboro is mainly a hamburger place and has a bit of other stuff thrown in. The chicken tasted quite processed like it was stuff that came from weird parts of the bird. Sort of like what you hear about hotdogs. In any case, I’m getting a salmon burger next time I go. Unless of course I’ve fallen off the wagon at that point.

So not listening at the gym is probably going to be the end of me. I thought I heard we weren’t doing “Fran” tomorrow, and I made sure I got my knees to my elbows in the exercise called, “Knees to elbows.” It sucked. Turns out that the earlier class isn’t doing “Fran”, but we still are. And here I am, editing my blog like a chump instead of going to sleep early.

Proof of my goofiness from last night.

Note the bright white skin and the protective layer of fat that are used to ward off enemies.

Which reminds me, when I was in Japan a guy told me, “You Kansai people are all alike. Trying to make sure you amuse people.”

I think I was trying to do a pullup at this point, but that doesn’t look quite right now, does it?