All week I’ve been suffering from a weird cold that I can only describe as being a weird cold. It started out with my head being so congested that I couldn’t sleep. When I got home from work on Monday, I slept from 5:30PM until some time the next morning. I got up at my regular time, took a shower, and then decided to go back to bed. Wednesday I was at work late and went out to dinner with some guys traveling on business, who wanted to clue me in on the Megacorp political situation as they saw it. Thursday I felt so bad I had to turn around and go home and take a nap before running some errands. And today, Friday, I found that I had to take a couple of naps that I couldn’t wake up from.

One of the weird things is that I haven’t been able to sleep through the night. And when I wake up I’m in the middle of an agitated fever dream, the kind where you know that you have to fit the framistram into the back of the computer and you just feel off like you need a drink of water at work and you can’t get one because everyone including the boss is coming into your cube asking if you’ve fit the framistram into the back of the computer. But I don’t have a fever!

What an annoying cold. Ah, well, it would probably be worse if I actually had a fever so I better be happy with what I have. At least my cough isn’t as bad as my sister’s so far.

I stayed at work late today so I could score a free dinner from some guys traveling for Megacorp. I got a steak, and an earful. Apparently they think all the hard work I did earlier this year was USELESS. Honestly, that’s what I was saying all along, so I agreed with them and kept chewing. They have some ideas for shaking up the status quo, and since I don’t really give a crap I may just follow along. At least I survived my 4 1/2 hour long meeting.

In other news, my sister and I scored some cheap tickets to SFO so we can see Megan on her birthday. But really, turning 40 sounds so 2004.

I was at home sick today but I did the usual obsessive Megacorp thing where I checked my email anyway. Turns out our group sort of reorganized itself. This means I’m doing the same stupid work, but now they’ve added pointless meetings! In fact, I have a 4 1/2 hour meeting tomorrow that goes from 10-2:30! No lunch for you!

I watched a couple of movies but got a little bored and started googling myself. Nothing much interesting there. Then I started googling an old girlfriend (the crazy college girlfriend who makes me want to avoid Hawaii like the plague). I wanted to see if there were any pictures of her, but no luck. I did find out that she GAVE MONEY TO THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. I suppose it’s a good thing I didn’t end up marrying her.

Well, I suppose I should hit the hay so I don’t sleep through the whole meeting tomorrow. I love my life.

The good news is that I finished my taxes and they’ve been accepted. The bad news is that I had a cold and slept in for sixteen hours, was turned down for the job I was applying for, and it was Monday. Plus, since I was sleeping, I missed all my Monday TV shows. Oh well.

Just in case people don’t recognize this as being a joke, IT IS A JOKE. I’m not even going to name the person who I was not stalking because she is a public official.

In any case, I met my friend Greg when I was in grade school in Boy Scouts. He’s 3 years older than me, so I was in 5th grade and he was in 8th grade. Like any 8th grade boy, he had several girls he was always talking about, and I mean ALWAYS. One of them is now a prominent local government official so I’ve seen her name in the paper and I’ve been wanting to meet her since I was in 5th grade. Like I said, Greg was ALWAYS talking about her. She was at my neighbor’s birthday party yesterday and I finally was able to tell her this story. 5th grade was 27 years ago so I just sounded like a crazy person, but that’s not too far from the truth.

It was a beautiful day today and you know I spent it indoors. You’d think I would say I was playing with my computer and I couldn’t deny it. However, to make it an extra-special day, I was DOING MY PARENTS’ TAXES. Woo baby, that’s fun. Good thing we’re not rich and don’t have weird investments. They’re getting a whole $18 back from the state, I think. I’m getting a refund because I bought a Civic last year and there’s a tax credits for us weirdos who like that sort of thing.

Oh, and I think I’d make a really bad wine taster. There was a wine tasting “game” at the birthday party yesterday, where the wine bottles were hidden by paper bags and you were supposed to rate them and maybe even try to guess what they were. There was one unpopular white wine that I though smelled like a mop bucket and tasted like cheese. Somehow I don’t think those are proper oenophile terms.

All I can remember at this point is going to the gym today and thinking that if I could get my forearms bigger, then I could buy some of those weightlifter pants. You know, the baggy ones like clown pants. THE 80’s ARE CALLING!

I had pho for lunch. Is that interesting?

So, about the time that Bones should have been on (instead of American Idol which I’ve never watched), I was wondering how early I could go to bed. I’ve been tired all week and, of course, haven’t been getting enough sleep. Somehow I’m missing time from 8:15PM to 9:00PM. The snoring coming from the room should have no bearing on the FACT that I was ABDUCTED by ALIENS because of the MISSING TIME. Well, I don’t feel like I’ve been probed and feel a little more refreshed, but that’s my story and I’m sticking with it. It makes my Wednesday night sound more exciting.

I think my position at the gym is to be comic relief. Most people there probably don’t think I’m funny, but that’s OK. They had the stair climbing things all moved around to clean underneath them, so I got on the one that was furthest in front and told the other people that I was winning. Stuff like that.

It snowed last night but of course it didn’t stick on any of the roads in my commute. I stayed up a little late trying to un-screw-up my computer thinking that I had a slim chance of getting to sleep in. Of course I didn’t get to sleep in. There was also a low pressure zone that made everyone sleepy and getting less sleep didn’t help things. I really should learn to plan ahead for these kind of things.

I have great respect for plumbers, but I still try to fix things on my own. That is where I am foolish. But one problem I have is that plumbing problems seem to show up at night for me. My nemesis, the upstairs toilet, wouldn’t shut off the other night. I fixed it temporarily and got back to it on the weekend, but it clogged itself up last night. I was taking care of some BUSINESS before I went to sleep and I thought it would overflow. I still had to scramble to find the plunger and then use the plunger on an already occupied toilet bowl. Ick, ick, ick.

I remember finding most of the water pipe leaks in the basement at night, and the bathtub drain finally completely clogged up when I was taking a shower just before I went to bed, after going to the gym. Like Earl (my buddy Greg’s brother-in-law) says, “It’ll never happen when your bonus check comes in. You might as well fix it now.”

I didn’t watch the Academy awards AT ALL tonight. Instead, I first watched a Harry Potter movie and then went to a friend’s house to drink mead and watch Amiga demos. That’s kind of strange in itself but just geeky strange.

Not much going on this weekend. I went to a friend’s birthday party, but he failed to mention it was his birthday and he also invited people at the last minute. This meant there really wasn’t anyone there except me, and I didn’t get him anything. Of course the two beers I had made me comfortable enough that I slept in quite late today. It was such a miserably rainy day that sleeping in was probably the best idea. When I got up I continued my odd hobby of destroying my perfectly working computers. Now one in the basement won’t reboot without my standing in front of it and typing things. All this expensive computer equipment and it never seems to do exactly what I want. I wonder if there are any cheap hobbies I could take up instead.

I wonder. Chapped lips wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for all the coffee I drink.

That’s pretty much as much thinking as I can do on a Friday night. I can’t understand all these kids who go out on Fridays. I’m lucky if I make it somewhere to take a nap.

I think I mentioned a time in the past month when one project lead told me that I had a deadline but I had to ask the other project lead what it was and then finally had to ask the project manager for clarification. Today I was told by one project lead that I had a deadline next week but I wouldn’t be getting the software until next week and that I better talk to the other project lead for clarification. I immediately emailed everyone, asking for clarification. Turns out it was a false alarm. The weird part is that the first project lead came by and flatly denied that he had ever told me anything. I thought I was going nuts until I was told by others that he pulls this stunt all the time.

I remember a dream last night where I was at a fancy party with one of the women from the gym who happens to be a recent nursing school graduate. What I remember is being in a black suit (like the only suit I have that halfway fits) and she was wearing a green dress with a shawl. She has red hair, and I think it was up. The more I describe it, the more it sounds like an ad from a fashion magazine.

In reality, I went to the gym today and put all my stuff, including my wallet and cell phone and car keys, into my locker and latched my combination lock but I FORGOT TO CLOSE THE DOOR ALL THE WAY. So the door was locked, but it was wide open. There’s the difference between dreams and reality.

I wonder if dreaming in ads from fashion magazines mean I am playing for the other team?