Race for my ass.

I guess I shouldn’t blame things on the, “Race for the Cure.” I’ve never been a big fan since the early days when they were so divisive and wanted to keep men away, even male survivors of breast cancer. I’ve been told that they’re a lot better now and there’s even a co-ed race so I’ll quit being so negative.

But still, today my mom was driving when a, “Race for the Cure,” participant decided it was, “Race for the Denny’s Parking Lot,” and changed lanes right into the front of her car. Nobody was hurt, but my mom’s car isn’t driveable. After exchanging insurance information, the other driver abandoned her car in a busy street and went to eat at Red Robin.

Ma's busted car.

I also didn’t appreciate all the, “Race for the Cure,” participants who were snotty to us as the tow truck slowly hooked up my mom’s car. We were moved out of the busy street into a Denny’s parking lot, and we were blocking in several cars. I’m not sure where the, “fancy ladies,” all came from but it wasn’t Denny’s so they were parked illegally. Their time was certainly worth more than ours and wanted us to make the tow truck driver hurry up. Fortunately, I wasn’t so cranky that I let anyone know what I was really thinking.

I spent most of yesterday helping my next door neighbors move in, but I slept in to compensate. I figured that helping them move in was much more productive than starting some sort of feud and I didn’t have much else to do. Their old apartment was a moving nightmare. The front entrance was one story up from the street, they were on the second floor, and the apartment had a second story to it. I’m happy that at least one of my new neighbors isn’t a doctor. (Next door to us, he’s a corporate controller, she’s a doctor. Next door to them is a doctor and retired doctor mom. Next door to them is a epidemiologist/doctor. And finally next door to her are two emergency room doctors.)

Lack of motivation day.

So I mentioned that the VP is leaving. I probably forgot to mention that they moved the whole group into a Sales & Marketing organization. We were about half marketing and half engineering. I’m thinking that the engineering half is about to be history. Also, the HR person from China and the HR person from the US have been meeting continuously for the past week. Today, the upper level staff was abuzz and heading back and forth to meeting rooms. And our manager told our group that it was officially time to start being worried now that the VP was leaving.

So, starting this afternoon, my motivation has left me. I couldn’t even force myself to concentrate. I felt miserable until I got to the gym and started getting tortured by Dave the Trainer. For some reason, that always makes me feel better. And a (very) young woman at the gym actually introduced herself to me. In my pathetic social life, that’s a milestone.

Sheesh, they would have to wait until it started raining (and hailing and snowing) before they laid me off. I think the first thing I’m going to do if I’m laid off is to see the Grand Canyon. It’s not on my resolution list, but that’s life.

Spin doctoring.

Our VP made some announcements on Monday and after a day it seems to have sunk in. He said, “I’m leaving the group I created (the one I’m in) to go to a new group. I’m taking a few key engineers with me. My replacement hasn’t been announced. My boss’s replacement hasn’t been announced.” What he didn’t add was, “SO LONG SUCKERS. THE ONES LEFT ARE HOSED!”

I had something to add to that, but I don’t think I have anything.

Dear Diary,

Today, I was in a room with a attractive young brunette and she watched while I took off my shirt. Funny thing was I though she should be PAYING A BIT MORE ATTENTION IF SHE’S A FRIGGING DOCTOR. I suppose she was just following around my regular doc, who told me most of the things I needed to know. She could have checked out my guns. I haven’t been going to the gym for nothing.

I went to the gym for the first time since I had my weird virus. Avoided the cardio since the weight lifting was making me want to pass out. I was doing my “doctor/not doctor” test: asking what people thought when I said “Coxsackie virus.” If they say something like, “I haven’t thought of that since my peds rotation,” you’re really sure they’re a doctor. If they snicker and say, “U-huh-huh-huh. He said COXSACKIE,” then you’re sure they’re either not a doctor or at least not a doctor you’d ever want to see on a professional basis.

Embellishing.

It would be one thing to say I had several phone calls from a woman tonight, but really it was a crazy bird woman (as Megan would say) and she was just looking for her cell phone. I’m the keeper of the bird propaganda and somehow her phone got stuck in the box with all the fliers about birds and the promotion of green spaces. Really, I have no way of making that sound more exciting than it was, me out in the field with a flashlight and then digging through a box filled with dead bird specimens to see if I could find a cell phone. It was about as exciting as the Raiders offense today.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I had this nightmare a few days ago where I was trying to call someone to bail me out of jail. Somehow I got my new car up to 110MPH and it was a mandatory trip to the clink. My last car would do 110 with no problems but somehow I kind of doubt the Civic Hybrid was made to reach that sort of speed. In any case, I doubt I’ll accidentally go that fast.

I hardly ever remember my dreams. I wonder why I had to remember that one.

First Sunday of the NFL season.

I spent most of the day watching football. What a weird feeling. I spend a lot of Sundays this way, but I haven’t done it for a while and now it feels kind of odd.

I ended up going out and helping the Audubon people again, but that’s no big deal; I stand around and tell people the little I know about birding. Really, it’s not a lot but as long as I’m not spreading misinformation to the kids, it’s all good. Plus, someone said they liked my haircut. Hah.

So sexy again.

I had a nap go bad today. I felt really tired around 4 or so and I took a nap. I was still a little tired when I got up. I had to drive my parents across town for my brother-in-law’s birthday dinner and I realized that I had no appetite and I didn’t feel all that well. My sister passed out in the same restaurant and told me that we didn’t need two of us passing out in the same place. She sent me home and she drove my parents home later. I felt better when I got home, and I stood around outside watching the birds again. For the second week in a row, I felt kind of iffy but Keith made me stand outside with him.

Someone asked why my sister hasn’t set me up. She’s not exactly my greatest advocate. In fact, whenever her friends meet me for the first time, they say, “Hey, he’s not so bad. He seemed kind of nice.” She describes me as some sort of monster and I wouldn’t want to go out with anyone who is looking for a monster.

I did make it to the barbershop where my regular barber has moved. I got lots of attitude from the new owner of the shop, and the hair cuts have even gone down in price! I guess moving out of the high-rent district does that.

Another haircut.

I hate to admit this, but I’m kind of lusting after a mop I saw in the hardware store today. I may have to go and buy my second mop this month. I really need a new hobby.

Movie, schmovie.

I actually went out to see a movie today. My buddy was online and wanted to know if I wanted to see The Covenant. I now know why I watch so much TV. The movie wasn’t much better than what I see on cable. There were a bunch of guys walking around without their shirts on, but that didn’t do much for me.

I scheduled an appointment with an “Apple Genius” because my laptop was making so much noise. Of course it stopped making noises today after two days of weird sounds like there was a leaf caught in the air intake.

Disasters subside.

I spent the day hating my job, staring at the screen not getting anything to work, programming things that I have made it a point of avoiding since my college days (X Window programming, in case anyone wonders). It took all day to draw one window that said (in true programmer fashion), “Hello, world.” I have all sorts of things I’d rather be doing, but this is what the project lead told me to do, and he has my manager snookered, so I have to do whatever he says. In any case, I feel truly American since I hate my job and wish great harm to at least one of my superiors.

I think the disasters have subsided to some extent. The only one I can think of since I got home from work is that I ran out of dental floss. My exciting life is back to normal, or will be if I can get my expensive laptop to quit making such hideous noises.

While the sting of the slap is still on my cheek.

This is the confession of a 42YO loser, who hasn’t been on a date since he was dumped the week before 9/11 (that’s 2001, the real 9/11) who hadn’t kissed a woman since the same week. Well, so that’s a lie. If you remember that I went out with my friend Reid and his 24YO babysitter, I got a little drunk and I stole a kiss from her. Actually stole a second to make sure that the first was as fun as I thought. I am paying the price.

The price of kissing a 24YO is not just the Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease that I probably got from her. The price is not just the dinner that Reid convinced me to buy her, she of the poor luck with men, she of the crashed car, she of the bad luck in general. No, the price of going out with a 24YO — even when you know nothing is going to happen — is to be toyed with and to be tormented in ways you can’t yet imagine.

And the luck is rubbing off as well. First the virus. Then crashy computers. Even the expensive new Mac I took in for repairs last month is making noises like there’s a leaf caught in the exhaust fan. And work scheduled “important” meetings on NFL kickoff night, a night I’ve been waiting for since the end of the last season on February 5. I just hope the bad luck doesn’t continue.

So knowing it was just dinner, I took her to a nice restaurant. Not great, not horrible. A date spot for the yoot, though, from the looks of things. (Sun, it’s where we went when you were last in Portland, so no comments from you.) Afterwards, she wanted me to take her to the strip club where she wants to get a job as a waitress. Still no problem; she’s 24 and I have no idea what kids these days do for money. But at the strip club she PICKS UP SOME GUY. On a night where I thought I was going to spend a lot of money on dinner and get away scot free, she found a way to stick the knife in and twist it.

Well, there you go. My only date in five years. I bet it will be another five until the next. If I live that long.

P.S. This isn’t the only “first date” where the woman I was with picked up another guy. The last time, the woman ended up marrying the other guy.

Much better.

I can’t say I’m 100%, but I can say I made it through the day. As did everyone else at Megacorp, I expect, since the big announcement seemed to be a lot less than everyone expected. In any case, I think I’m employed at least for a few more months. It’s all a big mystery.

I have no real insight on much else, but the birds are going into the chimney early and you might want to come see them soon.

What a wonderful weekend.

Saturday I had plans to help a guy move some 32′ pressure-treated 6×12’s down onto his boat dock so he could use them to hold up the front of his boathouse (a house for his half-million dollar boat). I was getting over my virus, or so I though. I was out in the 95°F heat all day. Turns out that it wiped me out and I slept for 12 hours that night. It also made something hurt in the lower abdominal area, so I felt fine while I was lying down but felt intense cramping when I stood up. That was a joy. Felt a little better today, but not great. And tomorrow work starts again.

Traffic is going to be hell again. I don’t understand why traffic is so much better when school is out. I can understand the morning traffic, since everyone is trying to get to work and school at the same time. But why is evening traffic so much worse? I’m sure there’s a reason, but knowing it isn’t going to make my commute any better. I guess I better hope that the Advil and the iPod hold up tomorrow.