My sister thought I would like to know that a friend who is seven years older than me is going out with a woman who is less than half my age. Actually, she’s five-twelfths my age. That means she’s four-elevenths of his age and younger than any of his kids. I’m not really sure I’d even want to talk to someone that young except to say things like, “GET OFF MY LAWN!” and “WHAT ARE YOU KIDS THINKING WITH THE TWITTER AND THE FACEBOOK?”

I think I’ve noticed that women are much more friendly to me when they’re not single. I wonder if they’re thinking, “Oh, god, I’m single and he’s single and there’s not a chance in hell that I’ll ever be desperate enough to end up with him so I may just have to die alone and where did my dog go now?” Maybe that’s why I get along with grandmothers because they’re probably thinking nothing of the sort, but, “What a nice Asian man, I wonder when he is going to bring me my chow mein noodles?”

Clearly I either have a horrible lack of telepathic skills or the world is much odder than you would have expected. The best news for me, of course, is that my boss told me he is bringing in 75′ of cable to connect my antenna to my radio. Geeks unite!