I just got back from Courtney’s housewarming and as always, she cooked some terrific food. I stayed until I was sure the birdwatchers were gone and it was fun.
But the real fun I had today was running and biking in the rain during the Portland Oyster race. My position on the team was to take the blame and make Melissa look good. Melissa took care of looking good all on her own, so I just had to take the blame. I may be dead tomorrow because I had to eat an oyster off the sidewalk in Old Town, a place where the sidewalk is usually covered in transient urine. On the next leg, for example, we ran through something that looked a lot like diarrhea, so I may have dysentery. We’ll see.
In any case, people have been asking what we had to do. There were teams of 3 to 6 people and at least 3 had to be out on the course, within 100 feet of each other unless the instructions said otherwise. There were a lot of puzzles to figure out where we were going, but I’m just going to say what we did.
- First they blindfolded one of the team members and put them on a bus. Then they told the rest to meet up at the Made in Oregon sign and take a picture with everyone and the sign.
Then we had to find a picture of three statues with four feet on the ground and take a picture of us and all four of the feet.
- Get to the locomotive at the World Forestry Center with your bike (MAX is in play), take a picture, then get to the Pittock Mansion. Lots of puzzles to figure out both those locations and it was POURING. It was also uphill both ways.
This is the only section I thought I’d have to quit, because my shoelaces got caught in my chain ring and shredded and then looped over my water bottle cage. Fortunately there was enough slack and I didn’t fall off my bike. I wasn’t able to do much with my shoelace, so I just left it the way it was and tucked it in my shoe.
- Head BACK to the Hoyt Arboretum (this was a puzzle question). Then back to Pioneer Square.
- Two parter done in any order. Let me point out that it was POURING DOWN LIKE CRAZY on this bike ride. First go to 30th and Powell and have someone on your team bowl a strike or a spare. I bowled the spare.
Second, find the spot on the water with the banner. One guy kayaks across from the banner while another guy runs across. Switch and come back. At the same time, everyone else goes to Deke and Bryan’s Next Adventure to get a tattoo. Return to Pioneer Square.
- Run to the Oyster Bar and have someone drop an oyster from the second story and catch it in your mouth. If you don’t catch it (I didn’t see anyone catch it), pick it up, put it on a plate, and suck it through a straw. I refused with the first dropped oyster (it fell on the f*cking ground in f*cking Old Town) so they made me do it twice. I dropped the oyster a second time and complied by picking it up off the street, putting it on a plate, and sucking it through a straw. Go back to the transition area.
On the way back, I went to Red Star for the shot of vodka, hoping that would kill the street germs.
- Go to Powells, find a bunch books, note the aisle numbers, take the aisle numbers and decode a cipher that turns into a jumble. The jumble takes you to Deschutes Brewery where you taste test four beers and match up what they are. Go back.
So if I die from the street oyster, I hope to come back and haunt the SOB who decided that eating an oyster off the ground would be a good idea. If I just get sick, I may just find some other method of revenge.