I am feeling cranky.

I feeling cranky and maybe I should make a list. Actually the Buddhist in me says, “Let it go,” but that motherf*cker can shut his f*cking pie hole.

  1. The motherf*cking birds are flying into the motherf*cking chimney again, making the neighborhood a motherf*cking parking lot every evening until early f*cking October.
  2. Work was surprisingly light the last couple of weeks, but I knew that meant all of the customers were out on summer vacation and they’d all come back at once. Guess what f*cking happened earlier this week?
  3. Teddy Kennedy passed away. And motherf*cking Republicans can’t take a break from pissing me the f*ck off.
  4. They were playing wimp rock or wimp rap or I don’t know what the f*ck you call it at the gym, and jeebus it makes me cranky. That and motherf*cking Beyonce. For some reason I loooooves me some Kelly Rowlands but I can’t stand motherf*cking Beyonce.
  5. My brother-in-law says Jay the Contractor is going to require architectural drawings before doing any more work. Well, last year Jay the Contractor was telling me how f*cking useless it was to use a motherf*cking architect. Whatever.
  6. My motherf*cking blood sugar is still probably all jacked up from my pre-cholesterol test fasting. The first thing I ate after getting back to the parking lot was a Chocolate Eclair which was really pretty good but probably didn’t do all that much for my jacked-up blood chemistry either.
  7. I just feel like there’s nothing positive going on in my life and there’s nothing to look forward to and that’s what I get for eating a motherf*cking salad for dinner after fasting for a cholesterol test the motherf*cking night before.

Maybe I should just start drinking again. That almost always made me feel better because I’m a happy drunk. Too bad I’m always looking at beer and thinking about how many motherf*cking calories it has rather than how good it tastes. I think I’ll have a cheeseburger instead.

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