Ever wonder if you’re depressed?

The worst depression I ever faced was when I switched anti-depressant medication from something ineffective to Effexor® which made me feel worse than when I took nothing. I even called the advice nurse and she gave me the number of a Suicide Prevention line. Yeesh. That was nuts.

My ex-girlfriend convinced me to take anti-depressants. My life has been kind of adrift (at least I had a girlfriend at the time) and my career had been circling the drain for over eleven years, and so she thought I should talk to my doctor about antidepressants. Well, they did change my attitude to, “Whatever,” and I was really indifferent to most things. The largest effect (besides that one day of serious depression) was a marked decrease of interest in sex. Of course, my ex didn’t like that and she dumped me.

The antidepressants didn’t make me more sociable. I called a Professor a dick, because he was being a dick, during a lecture. He tried to get me thrown out of the department, but instead I got a full reimbursement for the class and didn’t have to repeat it. And the university told me that not only could he not kick me out of the department, but he couldn’t kick me out of the class. A lawyer friend thought I had grounds for action against the department. I was happy to get away from a jerky instructor so I didn’t push matters after I got my money back.

Anyway, I’ve been feeling like there’s nothing going on lately. Which isn’t quite true. I went to two barbecues where I listened to two groups of people, all who make more than double what I do, complain bitterly about their employers. I got to help a friend move, a friend who no longer invites me to any of her get-togethers unless she needs help lifting things. And I saw my ex with her flaming boyfriend, and did I mention I also got to help her move in with him as well?

Actually, worst of all, I can’t get an antenna working to save my life, and being a radio geek is the funnest thing I do any more.

I’m really not depressed. Even malaise is too strong a word for what I’m feeling. I’m just not excited about all that much right now. Feeling kind of lonely and stupid, which is probably how people feel before they buy a dog. Good thing I don’t like dogs.

6 thoughts on “Ever wonder if you’re depressed?”

  1. You sound depressed to me! And why can’t you get that antenna working? You’d think it’d work for all the money you paid for it! I think you should make these people you help move be your free ipod referrals.

  2. You sound depressed to me too! I am officially inviting you to Pizza on Sunday night so you can sit with all unemployed people complaining bitterly about Republicans and Corporations. WE won’t even ask you to move anything. Seriously think about it – good food, good music and we won’t even keep you until midnight.

  3. go to taya’s. sounds like you need to!! i’d fill out an ipod referral for you but i think i just did it yesterday for someone so they won’t accept it.

  4. Here you are, pouring out your guts and I’m thinking.: You don’t like dogs? How can anyone not like dogs? Do you like cats?

    Anyway, I’m sorry you are feeling blah. I don’t know you, but I’m on your side, if that makes any sense. It’s just that you seem like good people. Wish I could introduce you to my dog. I think you’d really like him. He gets excited for a minute, then he just lays at your feet.. If you’re ever in this Godforsaken place we call Arizona, come meet my dog.

    Also, stop helping people move. That’ll weed out the bad friends.

  5. Okay, I don’t know Taya, but I think you should go too. You COULD come visit me in Seattle before I leave (in your spiffy car, it would take, what, 1 1/2 hours to get here?).

  6. definitely go to Taya’s. try yoga, knitting (come on, you know you want to) and chocolate, perferably all in the same day. hope you switched/dropped the ani-depressants – 40 is way to early to lose interest in sex.

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