When I think of the word “eco-turrist” I think of someone committing turrist acts on nature. I’ve been accused of such acts because I cut down two Japanese pear trees in the backyard. They were convicted of the crime of dropping uneaten fruit all over the place. I suppose I could have harvested the fruit and taken them to the shelter, but I’m not sure that the woody fruit would have been very nutritious. Anyway, it’s too late.

It’s springtime and my fantasies are interfering with my work. What fantasies, you might think, and are they going to be TMI? Are they about the young woman at work with the big backyard who keeps giving you the stink-eye? Are they about golf? Today I kept imagining going home and digging up the remnants of the awful crabapple tree that’s in the middle of the backyard, shooting up suckers square in the middle of everything. And I thought about digging up my prized (and ignored) rosebush that had the graft die and went back to being a wild rose.

But it wasn’t to be. When I finally changed into my work clothes, it started to rain and I watched TV instead. So much for fulfilling my fantasies.