I was asked to say something at my father’s funeral and I came up with this as a first draft. I just went with it and the only bad thing is that people thought my sister wrote it. Harrumph.
Thank you for coming to the memorial service of my father, Tatsuo George Fujinaka. We appreciate that you took time to come remember him.
My father was a complicated man. He hated gatherings, but would have fun after he arrived. He was a bit shy in that respect. He would have hated having too many people here tonight, but would have been mad if no one showed up.
He loved plants. But I just found his college transcript and he got a C in Botany. I’m sure it wasn’t because he was a bad student because he also got an “A” in Organic Chemistry, and that’s one of the hardest classes that pre-meds have to pass to get into medical school. Like I said, he was a complicated man. He planted all sorts of trees and shrubs in our yard and refused to let anyone cut them. I had to sneak around and trim things back when he wasn’t paying attention and then get yelled at afterwards. He told me, “I have to live here you know. The way that rhododendron looks is embarrassing.”
I’m going to have to sort through thousands of slides of trees and flowers because he liked photography as well. I can tell you a story about his hobby of taking plant pictures. We were in a garden before my sister’s wedding and everyone was watching my sister and my brother-in-law. My dad had wandered off and was squatting down taking pictures of some spring flowers.
My dad also liked all sorts of artsy-craftsy things as well. I saw some practice sumi-e (charcoal-ink) paintings he was making on a whim. I tried making the same sorts of images and I just ended up with black-and-white pictures of marshmallows.
Even when my dad slowed down, he liked wandering up and down the block, giving gardening advice. I hope he was able to help you all so you don’t have to live with embarrassing rhododendrons.
The funeral went quite well. Reverend Gibbs explained all of the parts of the Buddhist service as he performed them and he’s an easy-going guy from Fresno. My father’s Buddhist name is “Shaku Gou Gi” which means “Child of the Buddha, Strength and Integrity.” In Korean it probably sounds like, “Child of the Buddha: Meat.” Fortunately we’re not Korean.
That was really lovely.
yes, beautiful. I like what you said.
I understand how he felt about his rhodies–most woody plants prune themselves if left alone. Man has a very hard time replicating the beauty of natural pruning. Unfortunately, they often get too big for the small areas where they’re planted, and interventions must happen.
You did your best, I’m sure, and he knew this. Probably mad at himself for planting them where they couldn’t just grow as they normally would. They always look so small when first planted. Like when you hold an 8 pound baby in the crook of one arm, and are unable to imagine him the size of a grown man.
“Fortunately, we’re not Korean.” Normally that would be funny, but not so much this week (sigh). Well, I guess you can have your way with the rhodies now.
Very nice speech, I’m sure he would have been pleased, even if he had to insult you to express it. Typical Japanese father. I love a Buddhist funeral–so philosophical, and no forced regrets. I think it’s great that you’re going through your father’s things and helping your mom. It’s always a hard time for everyone, but getting in there and physically helping has a great impact. (Moral support only goes so far when there’s 91 years of crap to deal with, eh?)