I was planning on getting drunk tonight, especially after hearing all the smarmy crap my sister and brother-in-law were up to, but I got a reality check today when I saw the message:

Just remember that eating alone on Valentine’s Day is no different than any other day of your life.

I figured there was no reason to be as tired tomorrow morning as I was today so I should get to sleep at a decent time. Turns out, however, that the gym cleared out early and that meant I was on clean up duty and didn’t get home on time.

The biggest thing I did tonight was to order a doormat from L.L.Bean which is probably quite symbolic. Symbolic because we’ve needed a new doormat for years since the old one is full of moss and I had a $10 off coupon that expires tomorrow. Wait, I guess the word I’m looking for isn’t symbolic, it’s practical. Sort of like when I walked out of Costco every other guy was carrying roses and I was carrying a box of instant oatmeal. Practical. Dull. Lifeless. Corpse-like. Good thing zombies are in this year.

Maybe I should start writing down exactly what I want. Nice buns. Raw sensuality. Sharp cheddar cheese. Tomato relish. That’s what I want. A gourmet cheeseburger. I think I know where to find that, and I don’t have to pay match.com to send me pictures of juicy ladies. I can get those for free on the intarwebs.