This is my birthday week and I’ve felt pretty good all week. I was asked by one of my friends (the one who told me I should go out with women I find unattractive because that’s all I was ever going to get at this point) what age of women I could go out with now. Well, the Sex and the City calculation is half your age plus seven, so (46/2)+7 = 30. But I’ve come to find that calculation ONLY WORKS FOR WOMEN. I get all sorts of shit for wanting to go out with younger women (well, 30 is about the limit, really, because too young and I’d just go insane listening to their “Lady Gaga” or some such shit) but all the single women my age are going out with 30-year-old guys. Plus they get all huffy when I use the “C” word (Cougar) and take any enjoyment out of teasing them by being indignant. I mean, really, isn’t that about the only joy I’m going to get out of this?

One of my buddies, a good looking Indian-American dude, told me he’s never asked a woman out. He’s never had to, really, but he’s a shy dude and ti’s worked out for him. I can’t say I’ve never asked a woman out, but my success rate has been pretty poor. At least it’s been within a decade, or 19.6% of my life rather than 100%. How to hide the facts with math, man, it’s an art.