Monthly Archives: April 2008

No matter what they say, my mouse arm is PUMPED.

I’m trying to decide what my “target weight” should be. I know it’s less than what I have, but not sure how much less. A couple of guys at work are shooting for 20lbs in 20 weeks and they have about 60 pounds on me already, I think. In any case, my ultra-accurate bathroom scale (a relic of the 1960’s) tells me I weigh about a pound less a few hours after dinner. The only thing I’ve been doing in that time is watching TV and moving my mouse around, so I’m figuring I’m getting a really good burn from computer use. OK, so I probably go to the bathroom, … Continue reading

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I wonder how much I’m supposed to weigh.

I guess I’m very very close to being at the gym more than anyone else (besides Nathan, The Head Honcho), but one of the yoots has been there the same number of times I have. Nurse Tiffany is going to beat me if I don’t watch it. She’s only 23, though, and pretty darn strong. And she speeds through things much faster than me. For example, her web site says she types 94 words a minute. And me? 64 words Speedtest So she’s one and a half times faster than me, and probably just as much faster at all the workouts at the gym. But then again, I’m a member … Continue reading

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Sleep or mess with my computer.

Well, anyone who knows me knows that I’m always doing something stupid on my computer, especially when I should be sleeping. I didn’t sleep all that well last night and woke up repeatedly. This made for a joyful Monday at work, where first thing in the morning I have a customer meeting where I’m told what a disappointment I happen to be. But back to my poor sleep, I think the nice weather just made for more plant sex and that triggered my hay fever. I woke up because the inside of my head was itchy. If I could have scratched my ear canal with something nice and poky and … Continue reading

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Annoying the spam gods.

I was gone most of the day and someone seems to have picked today to deluge me with spam that made it through my spam filter. I received lots of weird crap, but on the plus side I found out that my Buttberry is able to display spam in Japanese, Russian, Portuguese, and Spanish. Today was my co-worker’s open house, and I never know what to bring. So last year I figured I should buy some flowers and this year I did the same. There are pluses to this. One is, I like flowers. Two is, I let the women at the local florists pick them out and they’re usually … Continue reading

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Fie on temptation.

So what does a guy do when he’s confronted by three other people from his gym who are eating cheeseburgers? Eating something even worse: lasagna and some of his sister’s chicken parmigiana.

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I’m allergic to salad.

I had a chicken salad for lunch (at a strip club) and I had a salad at dinner, and that’s what I’m blaming for my digestive troubles tonight. Not the undercooked swordfish, not the beer. But what are you supposed to do when you’re not eating cheeseburgers? I had dinner with the family and Carolyn from Chicago and 3 out of 5 people got hamburgers. One with cheese, one without, and one with bacon, cheese, and a fried egg. I was even offered a quarter of one but I resisted! And look where it got me! A trip to the Pepto Bismol bottle! I wonder if the lack of cheeseburgers … Continue reading

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A post about my ass.

I used to say my fantasy was to be 30 and to go out with a 20-year-old. This all started when we were talking about all the weird-ass dudes out on the street and their fantasies. I figure mine was pretty simple but really, I’d have to be pretty young to be able to listen to a 20-year-old for any length of time. At some time in the past, my friend Melanie told me that there was a formula for the youngest woman I could go out with. I’m a geek, so I remember what she told me: So working backwards, that means if I wanted to go out with … Continue reading

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Cheaters unite!

So I was reading Make Magazine and some dude decided the only way he could beat his kid at Guitar Hero was to cheat. So he made some sort of video recognition hardware and a custom controller to play guitar hero automatically. What a geek. Awesome. I, on the other hand, was so pathetic at doing a kettlebell snatch at the gym that The Head Honcho told me to just do a high pull during the workout of the day. So much easier. So much better to be pathetic sometimes. I found another funny picture of me on the gym’s blog. It’s during Mark’s first muscle-up (he’s not a cheater) … Continue reading

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Being ridiculed at the gym.

I’ve been told by the young guys that if I can stay out until 4AM like they do, then I should have to do the same exercises with the same weight as the young guys. I think it would kill me. However, I have decided that my non-manly music enjoyment is growing today but I can’t really remember what it was that made me decide that. Duran Duran maybe? More Erasure? Just can’t remember. I have decided that I think the woman in the Yoplait commercial who is having all her clothes “taken in” by the seamstress is kind of hot. She has a very expressive face. Really, I don’t … Continue reading

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Not being very manly.

Thanks to my sister, I have an abundance of iPods. She got an iPod from freeipods.com about a month after I gave up on the site and and just got a couple people to pitch in to buy her a damn iPod mini. Then when I helped her buy a MacBook, she got a free iPod Nano that she didn’t want and so I got that one, too. I have the mini in my car and the Nano is what I use at work to drown out the loud typer in the next cube. They both have similar playlists full of dance music and silly pop and that backfired today … Continue reading

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I’m too old for this.

I was at my friend Sylvia’s party last night, drinking too much and acting like an idiot. Especially since I was out until 4AM. I’m way to old for this kind of crap. Fortunately, I had just checked out a mystery from the library so I got to sleep in, finish the book, and then take another nap before I went out to dinner with friends. Get this, I avoided the cheeseburger at dinner. I’m fairly sure the pulled pork sandwich wasn’t much better for me, but I also avoided the fries and got a salad instead. But I did have crème brûlée for dessert so it’s still slow progress … Continue reading

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Ways I’m cheating at the gym.

The gym is not a competition, so I’m only cheating myself. HAH. Of course it’s a little competitive, and I’m telling on myself just so I can work up with some flimsy excuses before I get called on it. I wasn’t doing box jumps today. I’m an old man and I was using the tallest box for box jumps. It was the one that was left. So I did some jumps for a while until I decided I could either just stand there sucking wind or just step up onto the box. OK, so we were counting how many we were doing and I should have stopped counting the number … Continue reading

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