I want to learn how to do that spinny, moonwalky thing that Turk does on Scrubs. I’m sure it will do me no good at all to learn it, but I’m also wondering how long it will be before I can get on a golf course again. I’ve just been too busy or something. The closest I got was playing 36 holes of mini-golf yesterday.

Another stupid thing I do is going to golf web sites and looking at clubs. I should learn how to use the ones I have now. I also was looking at the costs for joining country clubs. I’m just a loon. Ah, well, it’s probably a more tolerated hobby than shooting or ham radio.

Oh, and my stomach has hurt since Monday (the night I spent some time in the hospital waiting room.) Yeesh.

Well, I was in a cranky mood this morning so I didn’t do so well at the meeting at work. I think I just came across as being pissy.

My buddy seems to be in good spirits even though they just stuck THREE MORE stents into him. He seems to be doing a lot better than his wife is. She’s a wreck.

My buddy Il told me his dad just died. His mom died on April 13th. It’s been a bad year for him. He’s going to ask me to do one thing that will certainly tweak my back, but there’s no way I’m going to say no to being a pallbearer.

So, my week hasn’t been going all that well, but it’s sure been going worse for my friends.

<p>Even worse than being woken up at 12:30AM is WHY I was woken up. My buddy just had a heart attack and I went to the hospital to await results with his wife. They gave him a couple of stents and he was making dumb jokes when I left him, so I think he’s going to be OK. Time to get a couple hours of sleep.

After a whole day of being trapped in a room with a bunch of confused marketroids who sat around arguing pointlessly and tediously, I’m in a surprisingly good mood. Sure, the boss bought a round of margaritas, but I think the reason I’m in a good mood is because I watched several episodes of, Burn Notice. I like watching the nice sunny beaches of Miami but it features not only Jeffrey Donovan, but Gabrielle Anwar and Bruce Campbell as well! I’m pretty excited that the summer TV season has started with Eureka, Monk, Psych, and now Burn Notice.

I should have lots of time to watch TV now. Perhaps I’ll get canned and I’ll have even more time to watch TV.

I felt a little depressed today (again with the depression) and didn’t feel like sitting inside all day watching golf. In fact, I didn’t even feel like playing golf, which I think confirmed my self-diagnosis of slight depression. I figured I’d work through it by digging out my least favorite stump, a crabapple in the backyard that just won’t die and keeps shooting up suckers.

I’m not sure if the picture is clear enough, but the hole is about 3 feet deep and several feet across. There was always a danger of throwing out my back and being unable to attend the two-day all-group off-site face-to-face overuse-of-hyphens meeting that my group from Megacorp is having tomorrow but I was semi-depressed (like I said) and I didn’t give a crap. I probably sweat off 10 pounds as well, but I got the stump out of the ground and my back feels fine so far. One down, four stumps to go: two pear, one broadleaf maple, and two rhododendron – I guess that makes five.

I gave up after one stump because I didn’t want to overdo things but what I did turned out to be even stupider. I usually wear long sleeves when I’m gardening even when it’s really hot, and I found out that I should keep wearing long sleeves out there. I pulled a bunch of weeds from my next door neighbor’s yard. The weeds are outside of his fence, so he doesn’t see them but I do. I found out that I’m a little allergic to those weeds and my arms started sprouting hives and itching like crazy. I quit about 1 or 2, took a shower, ate some lunch, took an antihistamine, and then looked at the inside of my eyelids for at least an hour.

So, I’m not quite as semi-depressed any more. Physical labor seems to help more than sitting in front of my computer, deleting my online profiles from every dating site I can think of. My back doesn’t hurt yet. I still have to attend this odd meeting, but that’s why they pay me. And, hopefully, we won’t have the goofy crabapple shooting up suckers again.

I think the shovel and polaski are going to get more use this summer than I’d like, if my back holds up.

Today I got dumped via email. It’s a first for me. To be honest, we only went on two dates but that’s the first second date I’ve had in, lessee – (2007 – 2001) – SIX YEARS. In fact, last year was the first first date I had in FIVE YEARS. Also, I’ve been using online dating sites for over TEN YEARS and she was the first one I ever met. I suppose I must have liked her because I’m kind of depressed.IT DOES NOT HELP TO BE TOLD, “DON’T BE DEPRESSED.”This is part one of how my sister sucks. You know it doesn’t help to be told this kind of crap, but she tells me this kind of crap all the time. I mean, really, my job really, really sucks and she just says, “TAKE IT LIKE A MAN,” or something similar. The only things I have to look forward to are golf and maybe going to the gym and she says, “BE CAREFUL ABOUT YOUR BACK.” Great. I’ll just sit at home, quietly, and do nothing. Actually, sitting still too long makes my back hurt sometimes, as does standing still too long, and lying in bed in the wrong way. I’ll just lie in a fetal position. How’s that sound to you, huh, sis?I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHY YOU NEVER WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN.This isn’t so much about my sister. I know I’m undateable and I can tell you a dozen reasons why no one would want to go out with me. I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW ANY OTHER REASONS THAT YOU’VE COME UP WITH. I got dumped via email today. I’ve been dumped at restaurants. I’ve been dumped by not having my calls or emails returned. I’ve been dumped via long distance phone calls. I’ve even been dumped in bed. But this is the first time I’ve been dumped via the intarweb. And to top that off, she said, “You’re cute and you’re funny, but you seem really young.” In other words, “YOU’RE AN IMMATURE LITTLE F*CK.” Fine. I’m sorry I was so horrible that hanging out with me for three or five hours was such a torture that I had to be insulted.MY SISTER IS UNRELIABLE AND NOT TO BE TRUSTED.Back to my sister. One of the BIG reasons I’m undateable is because I live with my parents. My dad needed someone around (just like my sister’s goofy dog that she sticks me with from time to time) and here I am. Now that he’s gone, I had a fantasy of moving out of the area but my mom said, “You move to California and I’m moving with you. How am I going to take care of the house on my own? I can’t even mow the lawn.” Great. I told my sister but she said, with a straight face, “I’ll help take care of the house.” This is the same sister who my mom asks me about regularly, “Hey, have you talked to her? I haven’t heard from her in days.” This is the same sister who has an online fabric business that takes up all her free time and then some. This is the same sister who sticks me with her dog when she wants to go out to dinner. What’s she going to do, fly the dog to wherever I am?Ah, well. I suck here, and I’d suck in California too. I doubt I’m moving. We live the life that we’re given.

I got a call from the Portland City Grill today asking me to confirm my reservation for five. I asked if they had the right number. Not only did they read off my phone number, but they also had my name on the reservation. I knew it couldn’t have been my sister, because she’s at the beach, and my mom wouldn’t do anything like that. I figure it was probably an impractical joke. If the restaurant hadn’t called me, it wouldn’t have affected me at all. As it was, it just confused me a little.

My buddy Greg decided it’s more fun to try to make up a story about it. He thinks some was trying to frame me for murder. Or someone is going to assassinate me and needed me in a particular place at a particular time.

I thought about showing up just to see if anyone else would be there. I watched, The Departed

, instead. Boy, that turned out to be a rip-off of a Hong Kong movie. It was a well-done remake, but it was still a remake with many identical visual scenes.

My co-worker Ed bought himself an Infiniti G35 and he was talking about a magic parking spot he found where he can’t get door dings. I was about to tell him that I’ve had my car for a year with no door dings when I got one yesterday. My first one! I hate Megacorp. Yes, my job still sucks.

I went to the gym for the first time since I hurt my back a week ago. Dave the Trainer was finally back from his sailing trip but only gave me back exercises. Back exercises are boring. One of the women who is usually yelling crazy things at me looked a little down today, and she told me her friend just died this morning. I suppose hating my job isn’t the worst thing that can happen on a Thursday.

Some relief. My air conditioner, which only gets used about a week out of the year, was making so much noise last night that I had to turn it off. The room was so humid that I woke up and when I finally got up I was in no shape to go to work. I took a nap and went in late. Work was very typically awful and I spent the evening trying not to succumb to the heat. This is what happens to Oregonians in the heat.

It was officially 102°F today, which means it was even hotter in town and my brain is mush. It wasn’t so hot at work, but I was so sleepy I couldn’t do much. One way or another, the heat affects my brain.

I’M NEVER PLAYING AGAIN

Well, at least not until tomorrow.

The acupuncturist who didn’t show up on Saturday called today to reschedule. It’s for a WEEK FROM SATURDAY, or almost two weeks from now. Sheesh. I have got to find someone a little more reliable.

The day didn’t get much better after that call. I found out I was moving to another, less desirable campus at work, I was assigned more nonsense tasks, and then went and played an awful round of golf. Ah, well, it’s going to be over 100°F tomorrow. It’s got to get better after that some time.

My next door neighbor told me I should be out, since it’s such a nice day. Instead, I learned a little more about writing software on the Mac, watched some golf, and read a book. The book is especially good because it’s Night Watch, and I’ve seen the movie without the explanatory book. I’d still suggest seeing the movie. It’s a Russian fantasy-ish, magic-ish, vampirish thing and I can’t do a good job of explaining it.

Fortunately, my back feels a lot better. It hurt so much on Friday that I couldn’t get out of bed and I took a sick day and slept in. I had an acupuncture appointment on Saturday, but the guy flaked and never showed up. Maybe his kung fu is so strong that I don’t even need to go inside to get cured. (You can tell what I was watching in the evenings: a kung fu movie marathon on cable TV.)