Today we had a going away lunch at megacorp and we went to Macaroni Grill. In the ‘burbs, it’s all corporate food and the place has really narrow aisles because it’s crammed full of suburban drones waiting for their feedings. I first sat down on the aisle and decided to move and as I reached back for my coat I ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED THE WAITRESS’ ASS. Yeah, that’s the most action I’ve gotten since 2001.

Looks like someone sent me an email from match.com tonight. Several co-workers used to tell me to try harder on match.com, but they finally looked at the women’s profiles. Earlier today they summarized the profiles as, “Hello. I have treated men poorly for years now and this is my only recourse. You better not suck.” In other words, confirmation that most of the profiles sound unappealing. Since it would cost me money to read the email that was sent to me, I think I’ll pretend I never got it. I think I’ve had three emails on there so far, and two of them were from deep inside China somewhere. No need to be treated poorly by someone that far away when there are plenty of women nearby who work at keeping my self-esteem low.