OK, so the poop is not all my fault. He does it all the time when my mom is around, too. I just cleaned his teeth-cleaning contraption that was all covered in red algae or some other nasty slime. And that’s it for my disgusting bodily goo talk for the day.

One of the women in the next row over at megacorp told me she had a profile on Match.com, so I was nosy and looked for it. Fortunately, she didn’t tell me it was creepy and even told me her profile name (the profile is “hidden” and I couldn’t see it anyway.)

In any case, I have 5200 points on fastcupid.com, a dating site with a horrible user interface, so I decided I was going to spend my points by writing stream-of-consciousness emails to whoever “matched” me. One per customer. Heck, I never get responses so it doesn’t matter how silly my emails are. At least I have a new hobby for the next week or so.