My boss is gonna know I’m not working hard today.

I’m working from home since the gutter were being replaced. The gutters look nice, though the downspouts make me wonder a bit. Are they supposed to be off the ground like that?

And this downspout looks a little crooked.

But I’m happy we finally got the gutters fixed.

Anyway, work — my work — continued apace until I met my co-worker for lunch. You, see, my parents have this evil kitchen sink that is hard to use. The drain leaks from time to time, it swivels hard, it turns on and off with much difficulty, and today the handle broke. I thought I’d go to the plumbing supply across from the place we went to lunch to get a replacement handle.

Well, I mentioned it turns on and off with some difficulty. The $9.95 handle replacement was no match for the stiff internal mechanism of this evil Moen POS faucet. I returned the cheap handle and went to a fancier plumbing supply. I bought the direct replacement handle that cost $47! For just a faucet handle! As long as I was at it, I decided to replace the “diverter” for that spray thingy since my mom complains that it doesn’t work right.

So, the easy part of the repair consisted of knocking over a pot full of sand that my mom had been keep for some unknown reason.

Even after dismantling the faucet, I couldn’t get the diverter off. I called Moen’s help line and they said, “You just have to pull it straight off.” Hell, I tried prying it off and I ended up denting the sink. I even called the plumbing store and asked if there was anything keeping the diverter on. They said, “No, it should come right off.” It took a 2×4 and a pry bar to get the thing off. Every time I do something like that I remember why plumbers are paid so much.

So, in summary, I made a big dent in the sink and I feel like a loser.

Oh, hey, I left an email for someone on OKCupid who is supposed to be my highest percentage match, a 37-year-old woman from Portland. She’s been on, but left no reply. The only email I got was from a putative 20-year-old. I think this sounds like trouble any way you look at it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIKO!

She’s OOOOOLD. It’s a zero-year and it ain’t 20 or 30. OK, so yesterday my grandma would have been 100 if she hadn’t passed away eariler this year, so 40 isn’t that old comparatively. In any case, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Oh, and see the comments of yesterday’s post to find out the stories my sister told. Actually, they weren’t bad ones. One was about how I was walking down the street (on the way to buy pr0n from a vending machine, lonely and depraved guy that I am) and the gods sent some construction workers to keep me from straying the path of purity and light. They were drunk and one of them was in a mood to fight any random person walking down the street, I guess. He ran across the narrow street, shoved me in a ditch, and then started beating on me after I got out.

The second story is funnier. One of my female co-workers lived in military apartments nearby and I told her I saw all the people putting out their laundry. A few days later she came by my desk at work with a serious look on her face and when I asked her what was up, she asked for her underwear back. Some much more perverted guy stole her underwear from the clothesline on her balcony and she thought it was me. Look, I had a few buddies from the Japanese military and if nothing else, they were pretty darn buff. I’m not messing with them. I also told her that if I wanted women’s underwear, I’d just go and buy it. Maybe that’s not the point…

By the way Thuy’s stories are even LESS accurate.