The worst depression I ever faced was when I switched anti-depressant medication from something ineffective to Effexor® which made me feel worse than when I took nothing. I even called the advice nurse and she gave me the number of a Suicide Prevention line. Yeesh. That was nuts.
My ex-girlfriend convinced me to take anti-depressants. My life has been kind of adrift (at least I had a girlfriend at the time) and my career had been circling the drain for over eleven years, and so she thought I should talk to my doctor about antidepressants. Well, they did change my attitude to, “Whatever,” and I was really indifferent to most things. The largest effect (besides that one day of serious depression) was a marked decrease of interest in sex. Of course, my ex didn’t like that and she dumped me.
The antidepressants didn’t make me more sociable. I called a Professor a dick, because he was being a dick, during a lecture. He tried to get me thrown out of the department, but instead I got a full reimbursement for the class and didn’t have to repeat it. And the university told me that not only could he not kick me out of the department, but he couldn’t kick me out of the class. A lawyer friend thought I had grounds for action against the department. I was happy to get away from a jerky instructor so I didn’t push matters after I got my money back.
Anyway, I’ve been feeling like there’s nothing going on lately. Which isn’t quite true. I went to two barbecues where I listened to two groups of people, all who make more than double what I do, complain bitterly about their employers. I got to help a friend move, a friend who no longer invites me to any of her get-togethers unless she needs help lifting things. And I saw my ex with her flaming boyfriend, and did I mention I also got to help her move in with him as well?
Actually, worst of all, I can’t get an antenna working to save my life, and being a radio geek is the funnest thing I do any more.
I’m really not depressed. Even malaise is too strong a word for what I’m feeling. I’m just not excited about all that much right now. Feeling kind of lonely and stupid, which is probably how people feel before they buy a dog. Good thing I don’t like dogs.